


When you love someone

by taebin



Series: Words that I couldn't say to you. [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love, and some other people i created, mentions to probably all stray kids members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:29:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25297675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taebin/pseuds/taebin
Summary: Changbin doesn't know how to express his feelings properly. He prefers to write about it knowing Seungmin will never read those letters. He knows he would feel better if he directly spoke to the loved one, but his instinct is saying that he should wait for the right time. Will this time come or will he keep his feelings to himself?
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Series: Words that I couldn't say to you. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832617
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	When you love someone

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! this is actually my second attempt of trying to write some (short?) fic or au not sure how to call this but i think it was the time to post this. don't know if my friends will see but if they do and they found out i didn't tell them i posted it well....see you guys in another lifetime! for now, this is what i have for you. hope you enjoy!!

_Seoul, South Korea 2017/04/18_

_Dear Seungmin,_

_I don’t even know why I am writing this to you, cause I’ll never send it and even if I did, you would probably just ignore...I just feel like I’m better writing than saying my feelings out loud._

_It was the worst year of my life. Not that I’ve lived much to say this, but when I go back to those moments, I can only feel sadness and anxiety. I had a lot going on in my mind. I was feeling lonely. I’ve never felt that before. Friends, who told me they would never let me go, were slowly drifting apart from me. When I tried to approach them, they would only tell their inside jokes. They would only laugh and talk about the things they lived together, without me. Since I was distant, I didn’t know. I was left-out. More than that: I was struggling. I knew it wasn’t the time, I wasn’t mature enough to do it, but every time someone would say anything about career’s choice, I would internally freak out. Unintentionally. Without noticing. Everything around me was just stressing me so much I couldn’t even think straight. I was lost too. I didn’t know where to go, where I could take shelter. There was only one person who was there for me. Chan, my best friend._

_But then, there was you._

_We’ve never talked before. I knew your face, you were Felix’s crush. My other best friend’s crush. But actually I never knew_ **_you._ ** _At first, we were shy. The only thing we would talk was about some series. You and Jeongin would only talk about this TV show and I wanted to join it because you know how curious I am. So I decided to take a chance and I started watching. And it was in that moment that I knew I fucked it up. Not only because I was addicted to it but because I would only want to watch it, all day, every day. So I could to talk to you. So we could chat about it the whole day. Non-stopping. I didn’t like to talk through the phone since we would see each other everyday in school. It wasn’t necessary and I’d prefer to talk face to face._

_Day by day, we were building a beautiful friendship._

_You looked like all of the boys from our classroom. Unbearably annoying. But then again, you were different. It wasn’t that annoying that I wanted to be away...It was that kind of annoying that you know he is acting in order to get your attention. Actually you weren’t that pretty. Other guys were prettier, and of course, high school boys were even prettier and hotter. You were taller than most of the guys our age, had short hair, was really skinny, had a pretty smile and chubby cheeks. Comparing you to other guys, you were just normal. You were just...you. To be honest, I think this was the problem. You were average and simultaneously unique._ _Surprisingly, just like life is, every girl was secretly in love with you. I didn't know that. Or I'd just pretend I didn't. Initially, I didn't have any intentions. I was just glad because we would be each other's company, even though you had a lot, I didn't have someone who could make me laugh as hard as you used to. No one was there to talk to me. No one was there to poke me till' I scream to stop. No one was there to tickle me till' I beg to stop. No one was there to give me the warmest hugs._

_But you were. (Chan was too, though he was from another classroom). Deep down, I prayed that I was that someone to you too._

_Suddenly, I caught myself thinking how much I wanted to talk to you. How much I wanted to get to school so we could talk about our day. How much I wanted to spend some time with you. How good it was to be with you. And then, I was like that. I didn't get too nervous next to you, because I got used to it and I've never met someone who could make me so comfortable as you did. And because I didn’t want you to notice anything different in our relationship. Poor Chan. He listened to me talking about you every day. He was the only one who knew my feelings for you. He was the one who would support us. Who would always encourage me to confess to you. I would always answer that you would never look at me that way. Because of course, you liked Felix and Felix liked you, and everyone around us would support them, including me. Today I don't know if I was scared to confess or if I was afraid of hurting Felix. Besides that, everyone also knew I had a huge crush on Brian. People wouldn't even think about us as a couple. I didn't even think that to myself. Or was I making up excuses just to suppress my feelings? It didn’t matter how many times I’ve heard things from Chan like “Stop saying he doesn’t feel the same way as you do. You don’t see his smile whenever you’re together.” Yeah, maybe I was too scared to face people’s but specially Felix’s reaction if he knew I had feelings for you. That’s why I decided to stay silent._

_The only thing I know is that I miss the way you would hug me without my permission. I miss the way you would make my day better just being by my side. I miss the way you would look at me with rolling eyes whenever I’d said your cheeks were the chubbiest and cutest. I miss talking to you till’ the next day. I miss you sending me those baby pics. I miss the way you would make my heart pound and race like crazy when you called cute names. Seriously, Binnie is the cutest nickname ever. And it was better when_ **_you_ ** _called me. When others did, it didn’t affect me in the same way. I miss the way you made me feel when you hold me. When you touched me. Even if it was to push me over the edge. I still liked it. Because you were being yourself. I was being myself. I felt loved. I felt warm. I know I should’ve told you. I’m sorry for leaving without telling you. I’m sorry for leaving before the semester ended. I should have stayed. I know I should’ve stayed a little longer so I could spend more time with you. If only I knew how things would change._

_Sincerely yours, Changbin_

**Author's Note:**

> i should just add something id probably delete it if i feel like to? so please dont kill me i will try my best no to <33


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